On the Spiritual Father

Spiritual fatherhood means gathering one’s own sorrows from the misfortunes of others

If your spiritual father lives unworthily and does not do what he teaches, you will not answer to the Lord for it. What is it to you if he lives badly? He will answer for it himself and be punished. A spiritual father is as weak as any of you, and so it is not surprising if he sins, being a man. That is why you must pray for him, that he may be set right; this will benefit everyone. If he teaches rightly but lives unseemly, look — listen to the teachings and do not imitate them if they live badly. So Christ counselled concerning the scribes and Pharisees: “All therefore whatsoever they bid you observe, that observe and do; but do not ye after their works: for they say, and do not” (Matt. 23:2–3). Tikhon of Zadonsk

A spiritual father has to fight against many temptations, and the devil with his servants fights against him in particular. That is exactly why he needs God’s special help and strengthening. And like every person, you, his spiritual child, must pray for him, that God may strengthen and confirm him. The well-being of a house depends on the head of the family, the success of a soldier on his commander, good sailing on the helmsman. So pray that your spiritual father may be wise and good, and the flock of Christ too will prosper. Tikhon of Zadonsk

Would you really reject and send away without honour a servant sent by the king, only because he wears old, dirty clothes and has not come to you in a splendid chariot, but has appeared barefoot and handed you the sovereign’s letter, his will, by which the king bequeaths his whole kingdom and estate to you, of all people?! Would you refuse all this only because you do not like the king’s servant and think him unworthy?! Of course you would not do so; more than that, you would receive with great honour the servant who brought you the greatest joy, and you would be right. And if you did not do so, know that the king’s greatest wrath would fall upon you and he would punish you severely! If it is so with an earthly king, why do you disregard the will of the Heavenly King that has been granted you, in which He declares you His son and heir and gives you the heavenly, eternal Kingdom as your inheritance for endless ages — why do you disregard it because His servant seems to you unworthily dressed and unimpressive! Could there be greater folly?!…

We owe our spiritual fathers far more than our fathers according to the flesh, who give us birth for this world and for life together with this world, while they give us birth for heaven and for eternal life together with God.

Give honour to all priests without distinction, but follow the counsel of the good ones.

If you do not know whether a priest is worthy of the rank of priesthood, do not despise him. Because of Christ’s commandment — as dirt cannot take away the brightness of gold even if it covers it, as a clean pearl is not harmed by the touch of unclean and wicked things — so the priesthood is not defiled by the man, even if he was not worthy of the rank when he received it.

God’s mercy is not such as to depend on the virtues of the priest.

When the faithful see certain pastors who by their conduct do not correspond to the dignity of their rank, they are troubled and doubt whether what these pastors perform is truly divine service. To calm and comfort such lay people we shall bring the saying of Saint John Chrysostom: “The priest only opens his mouth; God does the rest.” True is the remark of the holy Chrysostom! A sower sometimes sows the seed with a dirty hand, but in spite of this, by God’s blessing, the fields yield a rich harvest.

Holy teaching does not lose its holiness by being preached by sinful lips.

When you hear a profitable word, do not judge the one from whom you hear it, lest you deprive yourself of profitable teaching. Abba Thalassius

We (the pastors) must labour according to what the voice of conscience demands, so that no one may be lost to the Church because of us. Hieromartyr Cyprian of Carthage

If you want to become a chosen vessel, do not keep anger against your spiritual father; strive to serve God and to gain obedience.

Love the servants of God: they are friends of the most merciful God, and advocates for us and the whole world before God.

He who hates a priest hates his God too.

Before going to a priest, pray to God that He may have mercy on you and let your spiritual father say what will be profitable for you; and then fulfil with faith what the God-wise fathers have said, and God will grant you peace.

Superiors should bear the most labour when they give instructions, and when they think of themselves they are required to be humbler than those under them.

With the utmost zeal and great care try to find an ascetic father who will lead you without sin and become an example of life for you, who guides with wisdom others who are going toward God. He must be adorned with virtues; the love of God must be made plain by deeds in his life; he must be learned in Holy Scripture and not be confused, not a lover of money, not sunk in many cares; silent, God-loving, merciful to the poor, free from anger and from rancour, strong in instructing those who come to him, not ambitious, not haughty, not hypocritical, not treacherous, setting no one and nothing above God. If you find such a one, then hand yourself over to him, cast away your own wishes without any regret, so as to become like a clean vessel in which a great treasure is kept.

When by the grace of God you find a guide in good works (and if you seek him, you will find him), watch yourself so that you do not go against your spiritual father’s will, for everything decided without him is in a way theft and sacrilege, which, even if it seems good to you, will do you no good, but will carry you toward death. If it is really good, why is it done in secret and not openly?

A wise guide can determine exactly the character, the passions and the spiritual inclinations of each of those in obedience. Taking all this into account, he must give each of them the instruction acceptable to him. At the same time there must be no resistance to the order given, for the hardest thing of all is to be one’s own physician, since from birth a man is in love with himself, and out of this partial attachment sets up a judgement that is not true. It is better that another should come to know us and another heal us, because the passion of self-pleasing does not hinder him in a true assessment.

Give the first place to God, and then to your spiritual father, the christ on earth, the guide of your life. Hasten to him as on wings, obey him without a word, rejoice with him when you rise on high, and submit to him when you fall, so that, seized with fear, you may rise on high again.

Sheep, do not shepherd the shepherds, and do not step over the bounds. Be content with good pasture; do not pass judgement on those who judge, nor teach the lawgivers.

When we speak ill of priests we do them no harm — not only when we lie but even when we speak the truth; just as the Pharisee did the publican no harm but brought him benefit, though he spoke the truth about him — but we cast ourselves into the utmost danger. So too the Pharisee drove a sword into himself and received a mortal wound.

You must clearly understand that even if priests deserve to be judged, you still have no right to judge their lives. Here is what Christ says of the Jewish rulers: “The scribes and the Pharisees sit in Moses’ seat: All therefore whatsoever they bid you observe, that observe and do; but do not ye after their works: for they say, and do not” (Matt. 23:2–3). As you see, He did not belittle or reject the teachings even of those whose corrupt lives rightly roused disgust in His disciples. I do not say this to judge priests — no! You yourselves are witnesses of their conduct and service — but so that you may give them more honour and reverence; by this you will bring more benefit to yourselves: “He that receiveth a prophet in the name of a prophet shall receive a prophet’s reward” (Matt. 10:41).

If you hate a priest, that is hatred of God, who ordains him. You may ask: how do you know that God ordains him? If you do not believe this, your hope is vain. If God accomplishes nothing in a priest, then you have not been baptised, you have not received the mysteries of Communion nor the priest’s blessing — so you are not even a Christian. You will say: does God ordain everyone, even the unworthy? No, God does not ordain everyone, but He acts through every priest, even if the priest is unworthy.

The priesthood… stands above (every) authority as far as the soul stands above the body.

A priest must be watchful and far-sighted, have many eyes on every side, and live not for himself alone but for the people.

The owner of a flock of sheep may forgive one who has lost his sheep — whether wolves carried them off or robbers stole them, whether a grave disease struck them or some other mishap destroyed them — and even if he is called to account, the loss will be only money; but he to whom people have been entrusted, who are Christ’s rational sheep, by losing such sheep does harm not to property but to his own soul; and then he will have to undertake a far more important and difficult labour.

The sins of a priest deserve far greater punishment than those of ordinary people… they are graver not only by their nature but by the dignity of the priest who commits them.

Are you a sheep? Obey the shepherd, do not run from hardship, love the faith, do not shy away from the shepherd’s rod. He strikes you not to kill you but to keep you from temptation.

Let us not murmur when we are being healed; it is better to rejoice, even if the teaching causes us great suffering, for in the end it will bear the sweetest fruit.

We ought to take great care of priests. If you attack them together with others, it will not go well with you or your affairs. So long as the helmsman is well, those on board are unharmed; but if he is treated with hostility and judged, he will be able neither to think nor to keep watch nor to keep his skill, and without meaning to he will throw them into a thousand dangers. So it is with the priest: if you show care for him, he will guide your affairs too as he should. But if you drive the priest to despair, then he too, together with you, will be at the mercy of the waves, however courageous he may be.

If I have taken upon myself the task of interceding for you and must give account for it, all the more do I need your prayer. I have taken a great responsibility upon myself; accordingly you too must give me great help.

Priests are for us precisely those to whom our spiritual birth and our rebirth by baptism has been entrusted; through them we put on Christ and are buried with the Son of God and become members of that blessed Kingdom. Therefore we should rightly not only fear them more than rulers and kings, but value and honour them more than the fathers who begot us in this world (John 1:13), for they (the priests) are the cause of our birth from God, of blessed being, of true freedom and of adoption by grace.

(Love your shepherds) as children love their parents, for through them you have been counted worthy of eternal birth; everything is accomplished by their laying on of hands; through them the gates of heaven are opened to you. So let no one oppose them, let no one contradict them. Whoever loves Christ loves the priest too, whatever he may be like, for through them you have been counted worthy of the dread Mysteries.

Let us sincerely pay honour to priests. Let us know that whoever loves the king’s friends is loved the more by the king.

The higher we set our aim, the more care we ought to take: in this case foolishness touches the soul itself, and the danger is not of losing some treasure but of perishing and harming one’s own soul… That is why first of all we must take care to find a good guide for travelling this road, so that through inexperience we do not follow a new, untrodden way that has strayed from the truth.

In earlier times the Jews, while offering sacrifice abundantly, at the same time stoned the teachers and keepers of the law. If you act in the same way, you will adorn the temple of God with offerings but throw your spiritual fathers into trials. So it turns out that the gift was offered not out of love for God but out of ambition, which receives its reward here and now.

If you want to be prudent, do not be self-willed and self-assured, but submit your will to those who by their life and labour have put the divine vineyard in order, and from whom you will easily learn how to tend it. For it is laughable and shameful, when learning a simple trade, to keep going from one teacher to another, and yet to entrust divine wisdom to yourself, as though it were something of little account.

Is it not folly to think that spiritual science — the hardest of all compared with other sciences — needs no teachers: an invisible, secret science that can be beheld only with a pure heart, and ignorance of which brings not a temporary loss but the ruin of the soul and eternal death?

The Lord sets on the road to perfection only those who are led by a spiritual father, as the prophet says: “Ask thy father, and he will shew thee; thy elders, and they will tell thee” (Deut. 32:7).

In Holy Scripture, and especially in the story of holy Samuel, it is plain how pleasing this order is to God. From infancy his mother entrusted Samuel to God, and after Samuel had been counted worthy to converse with God, he did not trust his own thought but turned to the elder Eli, who instructed him and taught him what answer to give to God; so God willed that even one whom He had counted worthy of converse with Himself should walk by the teaching and counsel of an elder, so as to learn obedience.

He who guides his life not by his own judgement but by the instruction of one who has made progress cannot fall into the devil’s delusion. Entrusting our thoughts to spiritual fathers for judgement changes our power of judgement and teaches it. The enemy does not love the light; therefore the confession of evil thoughts drives him out at once and destroys him. As a snake that comes out of a dark hole into the light tries to escape and hide, so an evil thought that is exposed and sincerely opened at confession flees from a person.

The only way of salvation is to confess one’s thoughts to wise spiritual fathers and, under their guidance, to gain grace. Do not follow your own thoughts and notions, and do not let the inexperience or simplicity of some spiritual fathers hinder you from confessing your thoughts to fathers of great experience; for they too, not of their own will but by the inspiration of God and of Holy Scripture, charged the younger to ask the elder.

To ask with humility is more profitable than to act by one’s own will, for the Lord Himself, because of the humility and uprightness of heart of the one who asks, puts into the mouth of the one who answers what should be said.

He who asks his spiritual father and does not carry out his advice does not obey the will of God.

He who has no spiritual father on the way of God is the most wretched of all and near to perishing. What then does the saying mean: those who are not guided fall like leaves? A leaf is always green at first, flourishing and beautiful; then little by little it withers, falls and at last is trodden underfoot. So a man without guidance at first fasts zealously, keeps vigil, abides in silence and practises other virtues; then this zeal little by little dwindles, and since there is no one to instruct, encourage and kindle this zeal in him, he grows insensible, falls, and comes under the power of the enemy, who leads him about at his will. Venerable Abba Dorotheus

He is in delusion who thinks he needs no guide and sets his hope on himself alone; those who came out of Egypt had Moses as their guide, and those who fled from Sodom an angel.

He who fights the evil spirits without the help of a spiritual father is defeated by the devil.

We should choose a spiritual father to suit the degree of our passions, and entrust ourselves to him. If you are intemperate and inclined to lust, then your teacher must be an ascetic and unbending about food, and not a wonderworker nor one who is ready to reconcile everyone and entertain them at table. If you are marked by haughtiness, then seek a strict and unyielding father, not a gentle and kindly one; we should seek not a prophet and seer, but above all a humble and wise teacher suited to our character and our spiritual weakness.

He who wishes to keep an unshakeable faith in his spiritual father must never forget his virtues and must keep them indelibly in his heart, so that by remembering them he may stop the mouths of the demons when they suggest unbelief toward him. As far as faith dwells in the heart, so far does the body make progress in service; but he who has stumbled in faith has already fallen, for “whatsoever is not of faith is sin” (Rom. 14:23). If a thought tempts you to test or judge your spiritual father, reject such a thought at once, do not let it take root in you, but say: “Ho, tempter! My spiritual father is my judge, not I his: he has received this authority, not I.”

We must trust those who have from the Lord the grace of caring for us, even if we think their commands contrary to our salvation. The sign of true faith is obedience without hesitation, even when what is asked is unexpected.

He who obeys his spiritual father today and not tomorrow is like a person who now puts healing ointment on his sick eye, now lime.

A sick man deserves punishment before God if, having tested the physician’s skill on himself and benefited from it, he leaves him before he is healed and prefers another. Do not run away from the one who brought you to the Lord. In all your life you owe no one such reverence and respect as you owe him.

A soul that for Christ’s sake, with love and faith, is bound to its spiritual father to the last drop of blood will not part from him, especially if it has been healed of its wounds through him; it remembers the words: “Neither angels, nor principalities, nor powers… nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Rom. 8:38–39). But if the soul has not loved, has not settled with, has not cleaved to its spiritual father, and is in hypocritical obedience to him, then it would be surprising if such a soul did not labour in vain.

When your spiritual father rebukes you constantly and you feel that you love him more and have more faith in him, know that the Holy Spirit has come to dwell in you without your knowing it, and the power of the Highest has come upon you.

He who has cleansed his conscience by obedience to his spiritual father no longer fears death, and awaits it every day like sleep, or rather like life, knowing for certain that when the soul goes out of the body it is the spiritual father, not he, who will be called to account.

Do not listen to reproach of your spiritual father, and do not encourage one who dishonours him, lest you anger the Lord and He wipe you off the face of the earth.

Never judge the deeds of your spiritual father, but always follow his teaching and keep his commandments. The demons usually point out your spiritual father’s failings in order to stop your ears to his lessons, to make you a weak and fearful soldier on the battlefield, or to weaken you with thoughts of unbelief and bring sloth upon you, so that you may carry out no virtue.

Confess every thought before your spiritual father, and receive everything he tells you as spoken by God, with deep faith (in this truth); pass on your conversation to no one else, and still less ask anyone whether this or that word of his was well said and how you should act for your healing. For this is the very essence of unbelief toward one’s own spiritual father, and ruinous for the soul.

Do not listen to the enemy’s suggestion that by going often you have worn out your spiritual father, or that it is awkward to confess the same thought many times, or that you should stop going to him and move to another spiritual father. You should not go to another; and if we do not follow such suggestions but trust our spiritual father, we shall be armed with greater faith toward him and receive more benefit both from life and from his words; no one will judge us for such a life, but will praise us for believing so firmly in him alone. But if through carelessness we do not confess our thoughts often, we shall find ourselves in more passions, and afterwards we shall be too ashamed to confess them and shall plunge into an unexpected pit. If we turn to another spiritual father (which is not permitted), everyone will condemn us, and God will judge us strictly for it. And the spiritual father to whom we go will think that in the end we shall treat him in the same way. And we probably shall; and so, having grown used to going from one spiritual father to another, we shall no longer be able to stop: we shall start finding out where there is some stylite, where some recluse and silent one, and run with our confessions now to one, now to another. At last we shall lose faith in all of them, become faithless and make no progress, and — what is worst of all — earn general condemnation and reproach. Therefore, to whomever you first came with confession, try to trust him until death; for, as I have said already, if you go to another you will fall victim to temptation, you will judge others too, and by this you will make the road to ruin easier for yourself.

If you wish to find a true spiritual father, do not rely on yourself, on your own insight, for this is impossible. Do this: practise the virtues, give alms, pray and beseech God without ceasing. May God help you (in your search). And when with God’s help and by God’s grace you find such a spiritual father, show him the closest attention and goodwill, great obedience, holy and undoubting faith. Why? So that, instead of a reward, you may not, sad to say, earn torment and suffering.

Pray earnestly before God to show you a person who will shelter you well; and whomever God shows you, invisibly or visibly, go to him, talk with him, honour him as Christ, listen to him as to God, and you will learn what is profitable. Carry out without doubting what he tells you, even if it is unacceptable to you and, in your opinion, even harmful; for it is better to be called a disciple of a disciple than to live by your own will and gain useless fruit.

True faith is to entrust oneself wholly to the will of one’s spiritual father, as to the Lord’s.

Without a guide the human mind cannot ascend to heaven.

If we ought to love our fathers according to the flesh and pay them honour, how much more should we love and honour our spiritual father, who has brought us from being into well-being, has made plain to us the light of knowledge… has renewed us by the washing of regeneration, and has planted in us the hope of resurrection and immortality.

Try all your life to have a spiritual father, so that you may confess all your sins and thoughts before him, receive forgiveness and be healed; for to him has been given the grace of binding and loosing souls: “Whatsoever ye shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever ye shall loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven” (Matt. 18:18). This grace and power he has received from Christ; therefore obey him and do not oppose him, lest you destroy your soul. And if one who acts against his father according to the flesh, where the law of God does not forbid it, is punished with death, will not one who rises up against his spiritual father drive out the Spirit of God and perish? Therefore always turn to your spiritual father for counsel and obey him; then you will save your soul and gain eternal, incorruptible grace.

With all diligence seek and find a teacher, a spiritual father, not one in delusion but one who bears the Spirit, whose life agrees with his words, of high moral character and perfect in mind, humble, modest and well-disposed, such as a teacher according to Christ should be by the word of God. Venerable Callistus and Ignatius Xanthopoulos

When you have found such a teacher, entrust yourself to him as a faithful son to his father, be under his direction and agree with him in everything. Receive him as Christ Himself, not as a man, and drive away from yourself every doubt and unbelief, as well as your own judgement and desires: follow your spiritual father step by step, listen to him as to your own conscience, and obey him with your whole being, without any wavering. Venerable Callistus and Ignatius Xanthopoulos