Spiritual delusion
As St Ignatius Brianchaninov writes: “The greatest delusion is to consider oneself free of delusion. We are all deceived, all deluded, all in a false state, and in need of being set free by the truth.” Archbishop Arseny (Chudovskoy) says the same: “Every man, by his weak and sinful nature, is subject in greater or lesser measure to the state of delusion. You thought you had spoken or acted well — that is already delusion; you dream of showing off your abilities and inclinations — that too is delusion; you received praise and took pleasure in it — that too is delusion.”
Such an approach may easily be thought exaggerated. Who, one might say, escapes such feelings? They come often in everyone's life. If you are always thinking that this is a manifestation of delusion, of pride, you may become overstrained, may stumble; and in some cases something really will turn out well for you — how can you not notice it? The mind does it by itself; you are pleased to see your own skill, and if someone else praises you too, you are glad. It is often hard to see delusion behind these ordinary feelings, pleasant to you as they are, to sense the danger; but as we see, the Orthodox fathers perceive all this quite differently, and we must certainly take their view into account, as the approach of wise and experienced people.
Father Alexis (Soloviev) writes: “We have nothing to boast of, and if there is anything good in us, it is not our own but the Lord's. We have nothing of our own. When a vainglorious, haughty thought about yourself comes into your head, do this: drive it away that very moment, and if you are alone, say aloud to yourself: ‘I know how good you are: who did this, and who committed that?’ — and begin to list your sins — and the proud thought will vanish.”
What is delusion? It is considered a very dangerous religious state, in which people overestimate their abilities and form a high idea of themselves. They think they have reached such a level of spirituality, have gathered so much knowledge and experience in the religious sphere, that they are capable of doing important things and taking great ascetic labours upon themselves. They consider that the special favour of the Lord is with them, that the Most High has laid on them a very important and responsible mission, and that sooner or later people must come to know it. Two forms of delusion should be distinguished: one ordinary, not far advanced, which is met with in all believers; and the other a very dangerous, acute form of this state. Let us first dwell on the former. It is like a kind of disease against which no one is insured, from which no one is free, to the end of life; it is simply that as spirituality and religious experience grow, people notice and catch the manifestations of pride in themselves more easily, and sense whether they are falling into a state of delusion, whether they are drawing near to the critical line in this respect.
Which of those who live a church life, or even of ordinary believers who believe in God but do not keep the religious rules, has not imagined that he has already gained a certain knowledge and experience of the faith and can now teach others, advise them about something, turn them toward the Church; has not reckoned that his prayer already has power and that the Lord hears him; has not thought that he is capable of taking on important and beneficial work for the Church? In itself one may allow that you simply, without any hidden aim or self-exaltation, wish to help someone else, to turn him toward faith, to serve the Church; but often a proud element still creeps into these feelings. I gave alms, I showed nobility, I did a deed pleasing to God; the Lord will value it, and others will probably notice too — the worm of pride gnaws at you and sharpens your sense of your own worth. In the confession of the spiritual child of an eminent schemamonk we find these words: “I am full of pride. In my heart I set myself above everyone around me. I think myself one of the chosen.” These words fit a great many people. True, they hide these thoughts of their hearts, understanding what a ridiculous, awkward position they would be in if they stressed their chosenness, how ugly it would look in other people's eyes; they say the words customary for a Christian — who am I, a sinful, weak creature — but in reality these words do not reflect their inner state at all. To themselves they think that the Most High has laid a special mission on them, and that sooner or later their name will probably resound through the Orthodox world. Such thoughts and such an inner disposition are more characteristic of the young, and especially of men, but women are no exception in this respect either, and sometimes older people too.
Man is proud by nature, but sometimes this side of him stands out especially, pushes itself forward, and then it points to delusion. If the psychological experiences of the state of delusion were analysed at such a time, two aspects would be most striking. One is the sharpening and strengthening of the sense of one's own worth — that you are able to instruct and teach others, to do deeds pleasing to God, to help the Church; and the other is the striving for those around to see and learn of your labours, of what you are doing for people. A kind of excitement is felt, tension, enthusiasm, a surplus of energy, and if not directly then indirectly they try in every way to put themselves forward. Sometimes it seems to come up naturally: in conversation they simply mention what they are busy with, and attention is drawn to it as if by chance; sometimes they say what they want to say directly and openly — is it really such a crime or shame if others learn of their work, especially if it is said in moderation and not too conspicuously?
It is very hard to fight pride. You may write about it all your life, produce volumes, rouse others, warn them of the danger of this passion, point out its manifestations, teach resistance to it — and yourself fall into a state of delusion so completely that you do not even notice it. No one is insured against this, not even those who instructed the flock; it has happened to many clergy. But one thing should still be noted: spiritual experience helps a person to notice manifestations of delusion in himself in time and to fight them, and if need be to help others in this too.
We are all in delusion, we all have a high idea of ourselves and of our mission in this world; but even so, the far-advanced, one might say acute, forms of delusion must be singled out, which in most cases end very sadly for a person. The holy fathers distinguish two kinds of such delusion. The first is when people begin to imagine that they see the Saviour, the Mother of God, angels, the heavens opened, pictures of the heavenly world; they hear certain voices, have hallucinations like those of drug addicts; ideas that at first sight are brilliant and impressive come into their heads, and they think the Lord is dictating them. They believe that the Most High has chosen them in order to announce to mankind through their lips very important discoveries and wisdom never yet spoken, and to declare what awaits people if they do not do what His “chosen one” tells them. It must be said that the thoughts and ideas of a person in delusion are impressive, very significant and wise mainly only to himself, while in the eyes of others they often seem absurd, ridiculous, exaggerated. Their talk is not infrequently incomprehensible; they use some abstract, detached terms, speak in riddles, sometimes quote passages of Holy Scripture, repeat sayings of the Christian fathers, but all this leaves the impression of something that has fallen out of the general picture. On the whole what they say leaves an unpleasant, unattractive, often incomprehensible impression, and the listener feels a desire to get away from him soon. The deluded person's talk bears such a stamp of self-assurance, pride and conviction of his own rightness that a terrifying picture forms in the mind of a person who thinks soundly.
The Mother of God told me, the angels announced to me, I saw St George in my sleep and he told me — they toss it out just like that, say it so simply that a person unversed in religion may be stunned: so this is who I am dealing with! “When the planets line up in a single row, then the end of the world will come, and some voice from outside is telling me that this will be soon. Woe to you, ill-fated mankind, if you only knew what awaits you” — one phrase from the sayings of a person in delusion, taken from present-day reality. Sometimes one meets absurd claims about when a person may eat what, and what he is forbidden from above — that, say, one may eat fried garlic, but onions by no means. What has been said above is only an example of the flights of fancy of a person in delusion, and one could list a great many more.
They often have experiences expressing some strange sweetness, joy, rapture. These feelings of the deluded person do not fit within the frame of ordinary human sensations and emotions, and this too is for the person in delusion a sign of how the Lord favours him, how near He is to him. Could a mere mortal have such experiences, feel the bliss of paradise already in this world?
Sometimes people in delusion take great ascetic labours upon themselves outwardly: they fast intensively, pray, go barefoot in winter, weaken the body in every way. The evil one gives them such strength that they show great persistence and endurance in this. This too is for the deluded person proof that he has already reached a great height on the way to God — could he otherwise have done it?
St Ignatius Brianchaninov gives the following case of delusion. A certain official of St Petersburg was engaged in wrong, intensified prayer, and because of it he fell into a peculiar state. The wrongness of his prayer consisted in picturing to himself, while praying, various heavenly scenes, saints and angels, which according to the Orthodox fathers is considered very dangerous. The Church's rule of prayer presupposes not the inflaming of the imagination but attentive grasp of the meaning of the words we read. To picture the inhabitants of the heavenly world at such a time is, in the Orthodox understanding, fraught with great danger, and if it does happen involuntarily, such images must be driven out of the mind. After a while the official began to have various visions. During prayer it seemed to him that he saw light coming from the icons, he sensed a delightful fragrance, and felt an extraordinary sweetness in his mouth. He went to a monastery for advice and told one of the elders about his sensations. The elder explained to him that this was the result of demonic action and advised him to give up his wrong prayer, which the deluded man stubbornly resisted. “How can I give up such grace?” he answered. The elder asked him a question that at first sight was strange: “Do you not get the desire to kill yourself?” “Indeed I do; I even tried,” said the official, “but I was rescued.” When the deluded man had gone, the brethren of the monastery asked the elder where the idea of asking such a question had come from, and he answered: “As in lamenting before the Lord there come moments when the conscience is set at rest, which comfort the penitent, so in the false pleasure of demonic delusion there comes a moment when the delusion is, as it were, exposed and shows a person its real face. Such moments are dreadful; their bitterness and the despair they cause are unbearable. By them the deluded person should most easily sense his state and try to be freed from it. The beginning of delusion is conceit, and its fruit is great pride. The deluded person, considering himself a chosen vessel of God's grace, disregards the warnings of those close to him who want to save him. Meanwhile the attacks of despair grow gradually stronger and end either in mental derangement or in suicide.”
The official looked pitiful and ridiculous: “When, from the great sweetness, the saliva in my mouth increases so that there is no more room for it and it drips onto the floor — is that not a sin?” he asked the elder. This is how the evil one makes a laughing-stock of the person in delusion, and makes him pitiful.
An archimandrite renowned for his piety knew a monk who told the following about himself: “I tried to labour with self-denial, and I prayed fervently in my cell. Prayer delighted me, and it seemed to me that I was living a truly spiritual life. In time I decided that there was no longer any need for me to go to my spiritual father and receive his advice and instruction.
I stopped going to him, and once, while I was praying in my cell, a beautiful angel stood before me. He told me that my labours were pleasing to the Lord, but that to be especially acceptable to Him a sacrifice was needed, and he proposed that I give up one eye.
When the angel had left me, I, in an ecstasy of joy, took a candle and held it to my eye until I lost consciousness.
I did not come to Matins, and the monks, alarmed, came into my cell to see me. They brought me round, but the eye was already lost. I did not reveal the real reason for losing it, and said I had injured it in a fall. Nor did I go to my spiritual father.
Thinking that I had truly offered a sacrifice pleasing to the Lord, I went on praying fervently. Again the angel stood before me and said: ‘The Lord has accepted your sacrifice, but for you to be wholly pleasing to Him, you would have to give up the other eye as well.’
As the first time, so now too no doubt crept into my mind that God really required of me a sacrifice to the end, but I did not have the strength to give up the other eye as well. Because of this I became sad and could find no place for myself.
The monks noticed my state; they saw too that I had stopped going to my spiritual father, and began insistently asking me to go to him. I was falling more and more into despair, and so I heeded their advice and went to my spiritual father.
As soon as he saw me, my spiritual father said:
‘Why do you not come to me? Who is instructing you now? Is it not an angel that appears to you and does it?’
His words stunned me. Noticing my agitation, my spiritual father went on: ‘Was it not on the angel's advice that you lost that eye too?’ At this my mind was opened; I understood my delusion, and with tears I fell at my spiritual father's feet.”
One of the marks of a person in delusion is considered to be disregard of the advice and instructions of the spiritual father. Those views and sayings of the spiritual father that do not agree with the deluded person's opinion are thrown aside. It seems to them that they no longer need guides; the Lord Himself is their teacher, divine grace opens their minds, and what need have they of advice from a mere man, even a spiritual father? Compared with him, the “chosen one” of God, the spiritual father already seems of little account, and besides he may very easily give wrong advice or instruction. If the deluded person's sayings and teaching are not understood, or are laughed at, they explain it by saying that they have so far outstripped their time, their wisdom is so great, that mere mortals cannot grasp what they are saying. Just as the saints and prophets were persecuted — such was often the lot of the Lord's chosen — so people oppress them too. If one tries to prove to them, to show with reasons, that their views contradict the positions of the Church and the sayings of the holy fathers, they think that the venerable fathers may have reached some level of spirituality, but that they themselves stand higher, and therefore the last word belongs to them.
It must be said that as a rule the deluded cannot get out of this state. Only a special grace of the Lord, only some powerful, terrible event, a shock, can sober a person in delusion, bring him back to obedience, restore his bond with the Lord. If cases of healing are met with, they are the result of great suffering, long illness or a special intervention of God.
The second, sharply expressed form of delusion shows itself as follows: people imagine themselves distinguished by great spirituality; they think that they fast differently from others, that they have the gift of working miracles, that they can take great ascetic labours upon themselves, that they are called to lead and instruct the people.
Psychological marks have been identified by which one can notice in time whether people are approaching the critical line of delusion.
1. Self-assurance, self-will, unwillingness to submit to a spiritual father or to spiritually experienced people.
2. Setting oneself apart as special, egocentrism or egoism, lack of love for those around, failure to show indulgence and forbearance (possibly with the exception of the closest relatives).
3. Fixing attention on particular positions and ideas in the spiritual sphere and being guided by them in life, while at the same time disregarding the Lord's chief commandments and the teachings of the Church. The deluded person's ideas and thoughts may be taken from Holy Scripture, but at the same time they leave the impression of having fallen out of the general picture of the Gospel. All this separates the person in delusion from the chief virtues — love, humility and meekness.
Delusion is a great obstacle on the way to God. It is a powerful weapon in the devil's hands, with which he has destroyed many. So everyone should have at least a general idea of its manifestations and know of various cases of falling into this state. At the same time a bond with an experienced spiritual father is necessary too, and with people of distinguished spirituality, whose advice can be of great help in time of need.
Davit Tsitskishvili, lecturer at the Tbilisi Theological Academy and Seminary, “Orthodox Psychology”
