Prayer is death and resurrection!
Just as someone held captive from birth does not know the price and taste of freedom, so a person who does not pray and does not believe does not know the power, grace and greatness of prayer. No one wages war on the defeated, on one who is in slavery; but when you gather your strength, raise your voice and lift your sword against the enemy, know that you will have to fight, you will receive wounds and shed blood — but do not be troubled, because you are already the victor, for you bear the name of a warrior and not of a slave. So it is in the spiritual life too: prayer is a sword raised against evil, a mortal wound to it — so why are you surprised that you too are fought against, that you find yourself surrounded by many trials?
We often hear people say things like this: what is the point of praying without the heart; better not to pray at all; I pray so much, but nothing comes of it; my attention still wanders and the temptations have grown more frequent; I can't find time for prayer, I'm so busy; and so on.
Love, prayer of the heart, attention — these are the fruit, the treasure, the gifts of the soul acquired by prayer. The fruit does not come before the labour (just as there is no fruit before the tree is planted), nor is there labour without success and gain (just as there is no plant without fruit). True prayer is born in prayer, grows in it and is acquired by it. “Knock, and it shall be opened unto you,” says the Lord; that is, ask unceasingly in prayer.
A drop of water is small and weak, but when it falls unceasingly on a stone at one point, it bores through it. And conversely, fire is burning and strong, but you can touch paper to it (for an instant) in such a way that it does not burn. Regularity, duration and aim are what determine how force shows itself. So it is with prayer too. However weak it may be, if it is offered unceasingly and with purpose it will certainly “break down the stone wall of sins within you.”
The time will certainly come when the “little drops” of prayer within you turn into a great ocean that quenches the fire of the passions burning in your heart. Prayer is fire, but it depends how close you are to it and how long you remain in it, whether you feel its grace-filled action. “Labour now and then will bring no result. When you want to dam water and throw just one clod of earth into the channel and leave the job, the flowing water will wash that clod away. So it will always be if you work now and then. The same can be said of the spiritual disposition — thoughts flow like a river from the mind and heart; if we hold them back and then suddenly let them go, we will achieve nothing” (St Theophan the Recluse).
Just as a person's physical growth is imperceptible, so too is his spiritual progress. The essence of prayer lies in seeking the will of the Lord, in pleasing Him. What is pleasing to God is not grandiloquent, memorised words scattered into the air, but the simple words of the repentant publican, rising from the heart: “God be merciful to me a sinner” — yet they became the pattern of prayer. Nor was the thief crucified on the cross distinguished by a multitude of prayers, but a few words spoken with faith saved him. It is faith that determines the power of prayer, not the multitude of words.
At the beginning you must force yourself to pray, because this gives birth to patience, patience to habit, habit to experience, experience to love, and love to life and salvation.
“Not as I will, but as thou wilt” — there is nothing greater than these words; after such a supplication the grace of God will certainly come down upon you and His will be done, if not at once, then at least in the near future. Let us recall the words the Saviour spoke in the garden of Gethsemane: Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless not as I will, but as Thou wilt. Three times the Lord says these words, and the answer, God's providence, does not delay. Did the Saviour need this prayer? No, but He gave us the image and example of true prayer. Are you in uncertainty? Do you want to know the will of God? Say these words often from the heart, kneeling before the icons, and all the righteousness of the Lord will shine upon you.
Prayer gains strength through regularity and attention. Is your prayer weak, do your thoughts wander? Never mind: humble yourself, ask forgiveness and carry on again; know that in the end you will still see and feel within you its grace and divine energy. Is it not already a virtue that you have grown used to prayer? What does it matter that you have not yet acquired other good things — prayer itself is a good thing, a virtue. If in prayer you are not given what you asked for, do not despair, do not lose hope; the Lord delays because He knows that if He gives it you will pray no more, or you will be harmed, or else He is preparing something better for you and, as it were, considering how to reward you. When you no longer expect it, then He will fill you and make you rich.
The holy fathers advise: at the end of each day, before going to sleep, kneel before the icons and bring to the Lord the pain of the whole day that has passed, and your sins; embrace the Crucifix of the Saviour as you would your own mother or father; tell the icons of the Mother of God and the saints of your trouble, ask forgiveness, shed tears too over your weakness and helplessness, and you will see what relief you feel that very moment, how “the stone of grief and sorrow” is lifted from your heart. You will feel the nearness and warmth of the Lord within you, and because of this you will love Him more and draw close to Him, and with love your prayer too will grow stronger.
When a person weans his stomach from food, he no longer feels hungry; the less he eats, the weaker he becomes. Such a person is made to eat, fed by force with food that stirs the appetite, to awaken in him the desire to eat. A person unused to prayer also needs to be forced, so that the desire for this greatest of virtues, which will feed him spiritually, may be stirred up in him. Whether you are sitting, lying down, walking or working, pray with the words: “Lord, have mercy,” “O God, help me,” “As a man I have sinned; do Thou, as God, forgive me”; the prayer on the lips, the work in the hands. The more we ask the Lord, the more merciful He is, and the longer He does not give to us, the more He will give. Some, when they do not receive what they ask for, grow cold in prayer; but perhaps the Lord was already close to them, to fulfil their request. If you yourself do not believe in your prayer, how do you want the Lord to believe it?
Prayer is heaven on earth and earth in heaven. “He prays well who lives well” (St Gabriel Kikodze).
You must try to keep the disposition you had during sincere prayer, so that the fire, the warmth you gained in prayer, is not put out. Ask not for what you want, but seek what the Lord wants, and you will receive what is best for you. Many begin prayer as sinners and finish it as saints. “As fire needs wood to blaze up, so prayer needs zeal” (St John Chrysostom). It is a hand stretched out to God to receive mercy, and only one who does not want to pray has no time for it. The longer you keep gold in the fire, the more it is purified and shines. So too a person who prays to the Lord unceasingly: his soul, like gold, will shine and be illumined, both here and in the eternal life to come. Amen!
