...and Mary wept, wept through whole days and nights...
In the last century, in one of the cities, there died a woman of thirty years named Mary, who at the age of twenty had been given in marriage to a craftsman. A year later her husband was called up for military service. Four years the young woman passed modestly and honourably, and then she began a dissolute life. Her spiritual father more than once counselled her to return to a seemly life and to repent of her sins, but he always received a humble answer: “I shall try, Father, I shall try to amend.” Yet for all her promises and attempts at amendment, the stream of dissolute living cast her back into sin. Thus in the poor woman's life repentance followed upon sin, and then a new fall into sin. And one day the spiritual father of Mary was called to give Communion to a dying woman. “Has she long been ill?” asked the confessor, and received in answer that she had been ill three months already and often grieved over something and wept.
The confessor, coming to hear her confession, found Mary in contrition of heart, but besides this there was in her the greatest, almost joyful hope in the mercy of the Saviour. The woman told the confessor that throughout the three months of her illness her conscience had sorely tormented her because of her sins, and because in their time she had not heeded the instructions of her confessor and of a certain God-pleasing wandering elder, and because she had not been able to free herself from her weaknesses. Often she murmured and came to despair, yet at the same time, together with these gloomy thoughts, she felt that a voice in her heart was saying to her: “Better weep for thine own sins; the Lord is merciful and will forgive thee, for His mercy is greater than the drops in the sea.” This was the voice of the grace of God, calling the soul to repentance and to hope in the mercy of the Saviour. And Mary wept, wept through whole days and nights with a feeling of deep repentance, beseeching the Lord at the same time to grant her a sea of tears.
— Last night, — she added, — my soul was especially heavy. The evil one strove to take from me every hope of salvation. I grew faint and no longer knew what to do. But suddenly — I know not whether it was in sleep or waking — there appeared to me an elder whom, many years before, sick and infirm, I had taken in and given rest as to a father, and when he had recovered I gave him my fur coat and accompanied him far on his way, listening the while to his wise instructions and asking him to pray for me, a sinner. This elder said to me in a stern voice: “Mary, dost thou sin again and set thyself against the mercy of God?.. He Who bore the sins of all mankind, will He not bear thine also? Will He Who suffered for our sins rejoice at the perishing of a poor sinner? Dost thou not know how mercifully He received and forgave the greatest of sinners who called upon His mercy? Pray and hope. Look upon me; I intercede for thee before God because thou didst comfort an old man and didst clothe me with a precious garment; dost thou know it? It was the only one thou hadst, and that thou gavest me for the love of Christ the Saviour and of thy neighbour. ‘God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him’ (1 John 4:16), says the most beloved disciple of Christ. Dost thou think that the Saviour has less love for thee than thou wast able to show to a wandering beggar and to God?” Then I looked closely at the elder, and on his humble and shining face I saw a joyful smile, while my fur coat upon his body shone like the rays of the sun. “Peace be unto thee, my child,” said the elder to me, and vanished... Since then, Father, a wondrous, unexplainable peace has taken hold of me; I feel the end drawing near; a desire has come upon me to confess my many and grievous sins and to receive from you blessing and forgiveness for that I, a sinner, did not heed your counsels and instructions. Forgive me, Father, for God's sake, or else I shall have to bewail these sins for ever.”
What then remained for the confessor but to weep together with the humble and penitent sinner — rather, with her who by deep and heartfelt repentance had been cleansed of her sins and was already justified before the judgement of Him that taketh away the sins of the world?!
Wondrous is the judgement of the Lord and His ways! Here too, upon His humble handmaid, He fulfilled His word: “The publicans and the harlots go into the kingdom of God before you” (Matt. 21:31).
Mary died peacefully that same evening. Soon after the confessor had gone she took leave of those who were with her and spoke with no one more — perhaps because the power of speech was taken from her, or because she was sunk deep within her own heart, kindled with love — and no one saw or heard how she gave up her humble soul to Him that receiveth sinners...
One of the holy fathers said: “Humility and love are the two greatest wings that bear a man up to heaven.”
