Children's confession
Little children do not know what sin is. Only after talking with a spiritual father do they understand that disobedience is a sin, and taking something without asking, and things of that kind. And not only a “bad deed” is counted a sin, but “foul thoughts” too. Children are often more frightened by these “foul thoughts” than by a “bad deed.” “Somebody makes me say bad words, and I don't want to do it,” they say. In such a case parents should talk with the little one and advise him to say this at confession.
If a child complains to his parents about “foul thoughts,” it means he trusts them. And we, for our part, should explain to our child that foul thoughts are suggested by the evil power, and that he should not be frightened but should fight it.
Children are often troubled by bad dreams, or their mind wanders during prayer. They try to let their parents know. Here is the best moment to begin the spiritual struggle! We must fight sin with fasting and prayer, confession and Communion. And the child will notice that during prayer the evil thoughts gradually go away.
If bad thoughts do not leave the little one, he should pray more often and for longer.
Let us recall the teaching of Blessed Augustine: if a child is sinless, why does he bite his mother's breast as he feeds? Man is born a sinner; from birth he is inclined toward evil. Original sin is forgiven him at baptism, yet the consequence of the sin itself remains, and so we must try to correct it. This is possible, since man is good by nature — for God created him in His own image and likeness.
A person who does not feel repentance, and who thinks, “What can I do, that's how my life turned out, but I want to bring up my child as a Christian, I want him to go to church, confess and take Communion, and I'll manage somehow without it,” will not be able to explain to his child the meaning of confession. How can you make a child understand why we confess, if you yourself do not confess?
It will be good if we read the Gospel together with the family, with the children present. This will have a good influence on the little ones.
“Repent ye: for the kingdom of heaven is at hand” (Matt. 3:2), Holy Scripture preaches to us. Repentance is the path of the spiritual life that leads us to the salvation of the soul. Without repentance it is impossible to be saved.
“How should we make our confession?” An Orthodox parent will always find the answer to this question, and his explanation will not be superficial, for confession is a spiritual need of every person.
A family that has a spiritual father and a tradition of Christian life will not find it hard to prepare a child for confession; but even so we must be careful not to harm the little one's soul. Some parents write the confession for their child themselves: the child goes to the spiritual father carrying a confession written by his mother or father... Parents do this because they are afraid the child will leave out some sins. To think this way is a mistake. The Lord does not forgive our sins by their number! If a child confesses sincerely but cannot remember all his sins, there is nothing dreadful in that; God gives everyone the chance to repent of their transgressions little by little. And the child repents only of what he himself considers a sin.
Before confession a parent should talk with the child and explain to him that it is not worth hiding a sin out of shame, because God sees everything anyway, while an unrepented sin puts down deeper roots and later will be harder to root out. We should remind the child of his mistakes (tactfully and gently, of course, not with reproach or scolding), but on no account may we confess in his place. Still less is it permissible to question the spiritual father about our child's sins that he has already repented of. This will make the little one lose his trust in the spiritual father. The more a child trusts his parents, the more he trusts his spiritual father.
Children are inwardly ready for confession, but they still find it hard to take the first step. At this point the spiritual father will help them most.
Many parents think that the earlier a child begins to confess, the better; yet in the Church children under seven are given Communion without confession. According to Christian anthropology a child does not make confession before the age of seven. Not because he is sinless, but because confession is not only the acknowledging of sin but also the fight against it. Small children will find it hard to recognize their sin and fight it, and so correcting the failings of little ones is the parents' duty. For a small child, an open-hearted talk with mother and father is the equivalent of confession. Without his parents a child can neither recognize a sin nor, still less, correct it.
Many think that confession can also be used as a method of upbringing, but this is not so. Parents think that if a child of four or five goes to confession, he is freed for ever from the sins he has repented of. Such people do not understand the essence of confession.
Some little ones who develop mentally early make their confession before seven, but as a rule even a seven-year-old cannot confess consciously. Confession is always a kind of stress for a child, and so he may not open his heart to the spiritual father but, on the contrary, shut himself up even more. This happens when a child is spiritually immature and does not understand what is going on. Such a confession will be formal; it will bring the child's soul no good at all.
From the age of seven a child's life changes radically: he goes to school, finds himself in new surroundings, new duties are laid on him — in a word, his personal responsibility begins to take shape. This age is a new birth for the child. The whole world appears to him in a new way. He knows that from now on his conduct and his knowledge are judged.
Children of this age go to church with a different sense of responsibility too. For the Church is also a school, the real school of life, where the teacher is God. At this age the spiritual life begins, and spiritual struggles. At this time the child understands the meaning of confession far better too. The struggle with sin cannot be as active as in maturity, but it will still bear fruit. The child's character is formed in this struggle as well.
Before a child's first confession, parents should pray, talk with their child, and explain the meaning of confession simply and clearly. Do not frighten the little one, lest he imagine the Lord as a stern judge. God is a loving Father — this is what he should think. Besides this, teach him how to behave with the spiritual father.
It is good if parents choose a spiritual father who will listen to the child attentively.
First confession is a very important event in a child's life. That day should become a feast for him; he should realize that he has taken an important step. Only do not bribe him with presents; do not teach him to confess for their sake.
A child's confession should be frank and spontaneous. If truth and sincerity remain in his heart after confession too, then after each confession he will become better than he was before; but if he repeats what his parents have said like a parrot, it will be hard to correct him.
Children often keep silent at confession. The confession can be received even so, because silence at such a moment is a sign of repentance.
At confession a child must be given freedom. He should say what he himself thinks necessary. If we do not take account of the psychological features of his age, teach him what to say and how, and insist that he must do everything exactly by the rules, the child will start to play the hypocrite. At first he will do as he is told, but then little by little he will drift away from the Church. We have only the right to talk with him before confession about good and evil and about the pangs of conscience.
Confession is one of the seven mysteries of the New Testament. In this mystery the one confessing, the spiritual father and God take part. Whether a child has made his confession rightly, whether he has sincerely repented of his sins, no one can judge — only the Lord knows it.
