Why do we need a spiritual father?

People outside the Church often ask: who is a spiritual father? Why do I need his help in talking with the Lord? The main thing is that I believe. God sees everything, after all, so why do I need a helper in my relationship with Him — why should I lay open the hidden thoughts of my soul to a stranger? Such people forget that a human being consists not only of flesh and earthly desires; he has a soul given by God; the Lord created him in His image and likeness, and so that this likeness may not be diminished, he needs to take care of his soul. But a person on his own, without God, cannot make spiritual progress. He certainly needs a “guide” — someone who will instruct him and direct his spiritual life. Such a person should be a spiritual father, to whom the believer turns not only for confession but also for teaching. A person should try to have a spiritual father all his life, to lay open to him his sinful thoughts, weaknesses and temptations, and to live by his advice and instruction; then he will inherit the Kingdom of Heaven. Without a close guide it is impossible to live a holy life in this world. But someone who is only beginning the life of the Church asks: but where can I find a spiritual guide? Is it possible today to find a good spiritual father — they are not all the same, are they? For such people the answer is, at first sight, very simple and at the same time deep: you will find them in the Church, where the Holy Spirit sets them as shepherds of Christ's sheep. Ask the Lord to grant you, in your hour of need, a well-disposed spiritual father, and then, even without your asking, he will speak a word of comfort to you. The Spirit of the Lord will teach him what to say to you and how; you will hear from him what you need spiritually and what is pleasing to the Lord, and very soon you will feel that the Lord's grace has come to dwell in you…

For a Christian it is the greatest happiness to find a worthy spiritual father, who before the Lord takes upon himself responsibility for the spiritual life of his flock, watches over its spiritual growth, guides it in every circumstance of life, and by this guidance sets it on the path of the virtues, which leads us into eternal life.

For a Christian who has a spiritual father, the way of solving the problems of life that face him is quite different from that of “earthly” people, who live without faith, outside the Church, and so are often at a loss… When various problems of life arise before such people outside the Church, they are forced to solve them alone, without the Lord's help; they rely only on their own minds, their experience of life, or the advice of people just like themselves — people outside the Church. As a rule, in such cases the problems remain unsolved, or solving them creates no fewer problems. This happens because the cause of all the misfortunes and problems lies in the unbeliever himself: as a result of the sins accumulated over his life, his soul is separated from the Lord and his inner spiritual harmony is disturbed.

If you pour sunflower oil into a car engine instead of motor oil, it will break down. If you plug a Christmas-tree bulb designed for 12 volts into 220 volts, it will “burn out.” This is because those who made the engine and the bulb designed them with a particular operating regime calculated in advance for their creations, and breaking it puts them out of order. So too the Lord, who created man, gave him His commandments as the rules of life; by keeping them, a person keeps his soul in a “normal,” harmonious state. If a sensible person's television breaks down, he turns for help to a trained repairman, one who knows how to fix this television. But a foolish person, on the contrary, will start poking about in the circuit board himself, or call a neighbour who is no specialist but only helps the owner to ruin the television even more. In the same way, “earthly” people who run into the problems of life as a result of their own sins try to solve them themselves, or look for a still worse way — they run to “neighbours”: sorcerers, psychics, fortune-tellers. The result is extremely sad. A Christian who tries to keep the Lord's commandments has peace of soul and a clear conscience; the events of his outward life cannot disturb his inner harmony, but on the contrary serve to perfect his soul still further — just as fire and water temper iron and make it stronger than copper.

An Orthodox Christian who runs into some problem in life goes to his spiritual father for advice; he knows that he is asking for an answer to his question not simply from an ordinary mortal, however righteous and spiritually experienced, but from God, who sees his faith and gives him advice and a blessing through the spiritual father. When a Christian receives a blessing from his spiritual father for some undertaking and does not doubt that it is right, but carries it out obediently, the Lord immediately stretches out His grace-filled help to such a person. The Church tells us through the mouths of the fathers: “Entrust your heart to obedience to your spiritual father, and the grace of the Lord will come to dwell in you!”

Despite such instructions of the holy fathers, in real life it is still very hard for a Christian at the beginning of the spiritual life to go to a spiritual father. He needs a spiritual guide to whom he will confess his sins without hiding anything, and open his heart without any doubt or earthly shame. That is why such people often ask: how are we to find a good spiritual father?

— The Church gives a Christian the right to choose his own spiritual guide. It is excellent if this is the priest of his nearest church; but since the make-up of each Christian's soul is extremely individual, and spiritual fathers differ in character and in spiritual experience, it is very important to find a spiritual father with whom spiritual contact can be established, so that mutual understanding and spiritual trust arise between the Christian and the one he has chosen. Then spiritual guidance will bear good fruit.

Here are a few practical tips for anyone who wants to find a suitable spiritual guide:

First pray fervently to the Lord; ask Him to grant you a sensible and good spiritual guide. Remember: as you ask, so it will be given you. Go to the nearest church, and during the service pay attention to the priests. Try to feel with your heart towards which of them it is more drawn. Go to that priest for confession, repent of your sins, and ask all the questions that trouble you (only try not to talk idly, but clearly and about what really matters).

Whether the priest is attentive or indifferent towards you, sympathetic or warm-hearted, decide for yourself: will you entrust your problems to him, or limit yourself to an ordinary confession and then go on looking for another spiritual father?! But if you have put your trust in him and received advice and a blessing from him, then carry it out faithfully, as a word given by the Lord Himself, and do not run from one spiritual father to another afterwards in the hope of changing instructions you did not like. One and the same Christ acts equally in all spiritual fathers, and so to go to different spiritual fathers twice with the same question is a sin (if, of course, you were given a specific blessing at the start about what to do). But it did not suit you, and you went to another spiritual father — that is not advisable.

If you do not find in your nearest church a spiritual father to whom you would entrust the guidance of your soul, do not despair; little by little, as you begin to go to church more often, you will get to know other Orthodox Christians too, you will learn which priest in which church is loved by the parishioners, and your chances of finding a spiritual guide will grow considerably.

But if a believer does not find an experienced spiritual father and is obliged to go to the priest who happens to be nearby, then the Lord will protect him for such obedience.

Finally, whoever wants to find a spiritual father should remember the words of the Lord Jesus Christ: “Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find.” The main thing is not to stop praying fervently, and the Lord will show you a God-pleasing spiritual father for the salvation of your soul.